Well it has been quite a long time since I have gotten a chance to write on here. To be honest I just don't know what to say.... Sometimes it is hard for me to admit that things are less than perfect. Not that I am by any means but I just hate to say "things suck right now", rather than "I am feeling good".
I went for a CT Scan on Wednesday and I hope to have the results back on Monday. What I am looking for is a clean bill of health....Cancer FREE! If that is the case then I no longer have to endure the trama of chemo and I can begin doing radiation. Many people have questions about this and I am not sure now but I will know more on Monday. If that is not the case then I must suffer through more chemo treatments. Please cross your fingers, or pray, or do whatever it is that you do at times like this for me! I have had enough and I want this done and to move on! All I want for Christmas is no more chemo!
As entertaining as chemo was in the beginning it has not been quite the same these past few times. I still get the spunky lady in there sometimes and she is really cute and entertaining but it is not the same. Even to write about it now is hard for me because it makes me want to get sick and it makes me want to burst into tears! No holds bar people! I am giving it to you straight up right now. This SUCKS! The thought of the building, the elevator, the room, IV's....all of it makes me sick. Josh and I had to take the stairs the other day because the elevator makes me miserable!! The smell of doctors offices and hospitals.....the smell of alcohol (not the good kind :o) but the hospital kind) it all make my stomach turn.
Railey said to me yesterday, "Mom...do you still have cancer?" and just the word makes me sick!!! I hope for this soon to be over with and I hope to get to a point where the word cancer doesn't make me cringe. Because I don't want to be afraid of it and I want to do more to raise money to help people so they don't have to be afraid of it either.
Which leads to a more positive note! I am going to a luncheon tomorrow for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I am being awarded as the top individual fundraiser for the Royal Oak Walk. I think that I was the top in the state but I am not sure yet. I will know more after the lunch tomorrow! That is so exciting and I can't wait to top it next year! I guess that is why I got cancer...so that I could rally up my supportive troops and raise money for a CURE! No one should have to go through this! Why else would I have gotten it??? When you get it you think of all the things that you have done in the past and you think of all the things that you do on a regular basis and wonder if that is why. Even the sillyest things like maybe I drink too much Red Bull... or talk on a cell phone too much....or because I worked in the clear coat booth....
Anyhow I must go and do my laundry and clean my house because Railey has a 1/2 day today and we are gonna go do something fun!
Thanks to whoever is listening......love you all!
~regan
